Doux Amour

 

Your voice is the reason why I cannot sleep.

The low, soft moaning which you emit evokes my curiosity. Unable to stand the trembling anticipation any longer, I put on a long shirt which still has the marks of your affection on it. I still remember the day vividly when you gave me this souvenir. I was out on the porch, with a cup of coffee on the armrest of my chair and a book on my lap, with the pencil occasionally making appearances from being tucked within the tuft of my hair behind my ear and being twirled between my fingers. You hadn't asked me for an anniversary gift yet I felt that I could offer you a token of my unending love for you in the form of a small paragraph, and so I sat on that very porch from where I had seen you the very first time.
You just wanted attention, I knew from the start. You flitted in and out of my vision, until I started ignoring you. I know you say it was a mistake, but you roared from the other end of the house which startled me out of my reverie, and I ended up spilling all my coffee all over my shirt. Those marks of your mischief never truly disappeared, much like my love for you although I promised myself that I would get over you.

You didn't want my heart, but you had already claimed it.

As I walk towards the door to check whether you have come yet again to make sure that I'm never getting over you, the slightly earthly and wet scent of your perfume hits me. It's so overwhelming, I stumble back towards the wall, to which you had pinned me when I had my first encounter with you. I can still feel your cold fingers gripping me with the sheer force powered by desperation and then, explored every part of me with no apprehension. You left me longing for more. But you didn't care. Intimacy and emotion were never a part of you. You didn't need anyone for yourself, you had your own sway to your own rhythm.

I never regretted the fact that our relationship was always one sided.

You walked out the door every time I tried to stop you, every time I professed my love for you, and every time I just asked you to stay, stay just a little longer.  You were adamant and stood high and mighty on your word. Well, that was expected because you were capable of extinguishing the bright wavering flame of my pride with the water of your indifference. I always feel your presence near me, like a second skin covering my scars of a mere esteem and all of my insecurities. I sit under the shower and replay the memories you and I built, because it's the only place where my tears are indiscernible and I long for your touch.

I reached the door and hesitated for a moment.

I knew how it was going to play out, because I had put myself through the agony over and over again. You were always going to leave, be in the arms of someone who couldn't appreciate you for who you were and never be enamoured by your beauty. And I would be left to survive on the pangs of hunger and desolation to survive on, until you came back and picked up my pieces while we went for long walks, laugh with me at the various quirks of nature and hold me until I fell asleep on your lap.

I open the door, and you're there. You always come back to me.

You're there, with that apologetic expression on your astonishingly sparkling face, staring back at me with a lower trembling lip, seeking permission back into my heart. I open my mouth to scream profanities at you for the abysmal delay, but a sudden strong gust of wind pushes you into my protesting arms.

Mon doux amour, you came.

I don't care if everybody else can see us embracing, because you finally shower yourself on me. The trees nod their approval at our reunion by their pleasant greenery and I can see the clouds gathering above us, to shield us from destiny's wrath of separation.

I take you in greedily, because we have no one but each other for the next two months.

I've loved you since the first day I laid my eyes on you, Rain.